Week 8 Results: The End Of An Era

 

So this week title works on two levels. One...it's the end of an era in regards to undefeated teams. Ryan's streak will stop at 7 as he just got absolutely demolished by Posey's team (you know, the one that lost to Drew's shitty team last week?). This season is the most inconsistent I can remember. There's no way to tell what teams are good or not. Everyone (with the exception of me and Dad of course) just beats up on each other. When they're supposed to win, they lose, when they're supposed to lose they win. So yeah, Ryan's still on top at 7-1, but he now shares the best record with Eugene, and only has a two game lead in front of a couple of teams for that bye spot. The 2nd reason for this title is it will truly be an end of an era as I have 100% decided that I will no longer be playing fantasy football. I think yall know how I feel about this game by all the whining I do on this blog and I'm sorry your commish is a sore loser who can't handle the bullshit and losing this stupid game brings, but I honestly just can't do it anymore. This week was the tipping point. No offense to Mark (it's not his fault, its his guys that have sucked repeatedly this year..until THIS WEEK of course) but there's just no way I should've lost to him this week. It's beyond unbelievable and absurd, yet almost every week this is what happens to me. I lose...and I lose...A LOT...and by...A LOT. Since 2013 I'm 14-24...10 games below .500...in the past 12 weeks..I've lost 10 times...10...I'm 2-10 in the past 12 weeks. It sucks...it sucks beyond belief. Including in those losses are a less than half a point loss for 3rd place, a 118 point loss, a Andrew Luck to TY Hilton loss, and now this a loss to a terrible on paper team. I'm tired of it. I don't and won't do this anymore. I can describe Fantasy Football with a lot of words...fun will never be one of them. This game is not about any kind of skill and yet here I am...putting literally hours and hours into it. It's not healthy and ultimately it's for absolutely nothing. Also this year...I lead in points against...and it's not EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE...there's NO ONE EVEN CLOSE TO BEING NEAR ME. So that means I basically go into every week knowing I don't have a shot in hell to win because "something" will always happen. That's not fun. But that's the nature of the beast of this game..a game full of injuries and running back by committees and underperformers and overachievers and it's never going to change. There will always be Hall of Fame players getting outscored by the Jamison Crowders of the league and it's not fair because it's purely just 1000000000% luck. I'm burnt out...frustrated..and I know people don't believe me, they think "oh if you win a couple, you'll get sucked back in" but I've never been more serious. I can't enjoy the Cowboys. I'd be lying if I said I've enjoyed one single second of their run..because I haven't. Hell, if I still had a snowballs chance in hell at winning I would've had to root AGAINST DEZ BRYANT because I'm playing against him! That's sooooo stupid that you have to root against YOUR OWN FUCKING TEAM. I don't wanna do that anymore. I wanna watch the games without any fucking stress...without being mad...sad...depressed..feeling stupid..and having my weeks ruined because of it. So again, this isn't a joke, this isn't being dramatic, this is the truth. There is a zero percent chance I'm playing next year. I'm standing by that and not budging. The league can survive without me, hell, it'd probably be a hell of lot more fun without me and my negative crap lol. I hope yall decide to keep the league alive, but that decision will be up to you guys and it's something we can discuss after the season is over. On that depressing, somber note..onto the results.

Rocket Man (7-1)              117.64
BigBadBob (0-8)                 87.78 

Eugene gets a huge bounce back win as Dad's season is officially 100% over now. What a shitty way to go out (spoiler alert, Dad's not coming back either). Dad tried to better his team with that two for 1 Olsen for Freeman/Henry trade, but Henry looks like a bust and though Freeman got 2 TD's, he did little yardage wise and just another overall disappointing effort from Dad's team as a whole. For Eugene, Julio was bothered by an ankle injury, and DeAndre Hopkins continues to get fucked over by his shitty QB, but it wouldn't matter as Aaron Rodgers had one of those Aaron Rodgers type games with 4 TD's (and 60 yards rushing and a 2 PT conversion to boot)  for nearly 39 points. With Green Bay having no real running back, Rodgers is going to have a field day throwing it all the time. Melvin Gordon continues to defy odds with 155 total yards. It's one of the first games where he had a great scoring day without scoring a TD. Even Duke fucking Johnson had a good game with nearly 15 points. Travis Kelce was FINALLY involved in the passing game as well with 7 catches for 101 yards and a score. All in all nice response from last week's loss to me. Eugene takes on Mayra next week, while Dad will try to do something my sorry ass team couldn't do. Beat Jamison Crowder and Mark.

Game MVP

Aaron Rodgers (Rocket Man)

246 Passing Yards, 4 Passing TD's, 1 2 PT Conversion, 60 rushing yards, 37.84 Points

 

Bigger Balls (5-3)             128.52

No Soup For You (4-4)      79.80

Just when I think Leland's back on track, his team can't even put up 80 points this week and he loses to a team I had thought was on a downward trend in Mayra. This wasn't even close as Mayra basically led the whole way. She did this without Antonio Brown playing as well. Amari Cooper had the game of his season with 12 receptions for 173 yards and a TD. She even survived DeSean Jackson getting hurt and doing nothing of note. Matt Ryan put up nearly 300 yards and  3 scores and Matt Forte's rebirth continues with another 98 yard, 2 TD performance. Lamar Miller didn't do much but did score as did Gio Bernard and Jason Witten (more importantly a GAME WINNING TD FOR THE COWBOYS!). For Leland, it's been a perplexing season so far. Some games he looks unstoppable and like there's no way any team in the league can beat him, but when he loses his guys tend to underachieve big time. C.J. Fiedorowicz was ok with a TD, Brandin Cooks was lucky to get a TD, and Demaryius Thomas barely had 10 points. David Johnson had one of his worst games of the season (though he still had 7 receptions for 84 yards and 106 total yards), Matt Stafford did as well and overall it was just a bad team performance. Now even though Leland is in a cluster with a bunch of teams, overall his points scored are going to be a key factor in helping him secure a playoff birth. Mayra's gotta keep the momentum going against Eugene next week, while Leland will take on Albert's struggling team next. 

Game MVP

Amari Cooper (Bigger Balls) 

12 Receptions, 173 Receiving Yards, 1 Receiving TD, 29.30 Points

 

Shock The Monkey (2-6)          124.82

Bay Area Tanners (2-6)            98.60

The straw that finally broke this camel's back. This game was the most prime ultimate example of why I don't wanna play this glorified guessing game anymore. If I wanna play something that revolves purely on luck...I'll take up Lotto tickets. So naturally Mark has his best game of the season against me (after 4 straight terrible scoring performances) and WR 4's Jamison Crowder and Quincy Enunwa score nearly 39 points (of course they do, everyone saw that coming), Dez returns and gets nearly 20 points (naturally just like when Matt's 1st game with Brady was against me, Mark gets Dez back just in time for my matchup..you seriously can't write the bullshit luck I've had in this league if you tried) Alshon Jeffrey gets Jay Cutler back this week (OF FUCKING COURSE HE DOES) and scores get this HIS FIRST TD OF THE MOTHERFUCKING SEASON (OF COURSE HE DOES..IT'S AGAINST ME) Tyrod performs decently, and Murray did enough damage Thursday while my team craps the bed, including Jameis Winston and Mike Evans who with even an extra overtime period couldn't take advantage of the best matchup you could ask for...the Raiders secondary, nope...Winston's nearly 21 points aren't impressive if you saw the game. Shitty passes, a bunch of overthrows, and somehow the Raiders EVEN LOST A STARTING CORNER, and he couldn't get the ball to Mike Evans. Ridiculous and pathetic. Oh and to throw more salt on the wound? Spencer Ware suffers a concussion. Sure Maclin, Brate, and Blount all scored, but they had minimal yardage. I was, I believe over a 20 point favorite and I know projections don't mean dick, but still, that shows that I do have the superior team....yet it all conspires to suck and in return Mark has the game of his season (again let me repeat...I lead the league in Points Against by a WIDE FUCKING ASS MARGIN) and saves his season, and basically puts mine in the ground. Not only would I have to run the table now for a small shot at a chance, but I have a feeling because so many teams are bunched together that this will be the first time in league history that a 7-6 team WOULDN'T make the playoffs, which would honestly be a fitting end to my fantasy football career. Why not run the table go 7-6 and miss the playoffs because of points. I kinda hope it happens so it  can once again reaffirm my absolutely whole hearted hatred of this fucking awful game. But let's be real...I'll lose to Drew next week and it won't matter. I even made one last ditch trade to salvage my season...because I'm going down fighting till the end. I traded A.J. Green (because him and Blount are on bye, I'm fucked so I had to make a move) to Leland for Todd Gurley and Brandin Cooks. Mark actually has a shot at win #3 against Dad next week. Fuck this game soooooooo fucking much...can't wait till this garbage is over.

Game MVP

Jamison Crowder (Shock The Monkey) (No really...and that's why this game is a fucking JOKE)

9 Receptions, 107 Receiving Yards, 1 Receiving TD, 1 Fantasy Football Career Ended, 21.20 Points

 

(hey look its Jamison dancing all over my Fantasy Football Career!)

Woe Is You (5-3)                 137.02

Hoosier Daddy (7-1)             72.58

Well...the streak had to come to an end one week but man...this wasn't a pretty way to end it. Ryan's managed to escape some hairy weeks in the past but it finally caught up to him as Posey, even with losing CJ Anderson just beats the crap out of Ryan's team (I love it....Posey has 3 of his MAIN GUYS...his MAIN FUCKING GUYS...to IR in Eric Decker, Keenan Allen and C.J. Anderson plus lost JACQUIZZ RODGERS TO INJURY TOO!, yet there he is 5-3...you can say luck is luck and not controlled, but c'mon that kind of shit in the 7 years we've done this league has NEVER happened to me...I never get the breaks these teams get..whether it be Eugene last year drafting a bad team on paper and it panning out and him winning 3rd, Mark and Leland both starting 0-3 and STILL making the finals or both Drew and Mike getting DECIMATED by injuries and still trucking on and winning..that shit gets to me too..because it literally NEVER works out that way FOR ME). Derek Carr had the game of his fantasy life with 513 yards and 4 TD's for nearly 40 points. So much for that "difficult" matchup for Jonathan Stewart. He had 95 and 2 scores while Jordan Reed came back and had 9 catches for 99 and a score. Thanks to them and solid games from Terrelle Pryor and Jacquizz Rodgers (before he got hurt) and Stefon Diggs put the final nail in the coffin after weeks of mediocrity with 76 and a score. Mike was even able to play a 0 pt play in Michael Floyd and STILL win (yup...I'd never get away with that either, in fact I did play a 0 pt play...Sammie Coates a couple weeks ago...and got murdered that week...LOL). For Ryan, Mark Ingram's game basically sums up Ryan's week, 5 rushing yards and a fumble for -1.5 points. He was promptly benched the rest of the game. Greg Olsen didn't make much of a debut for Ryan...he only caught a ball for 11 yards. Philip Rivers was mediocre, Crabtree, John Brown, and Christine Michael were OKish and Zeke did will considering he didn't score a TD but still finished with nearly 17 points, but when you get 1.2 points COMBINED from 3 guys (Lafell, Olsen, Ingram) you'll need extraordinary performances from the rest of your squad to make that up and it just didn't happen. So is this cause for concern? Maybe...or maybe not...who seriously knows this year? This team had always worried me from the get go yet managed to win 7 straight weeks. I still worry about those receivers and now Ingram too as he's been pretty disappointing all season. Also Thomas Rawls lurks and who knows if he'll end up taking Christine Michael's place. There is good news though, Big Ben is supposed to return next week and that'll provide a huge boost to Ryan's scoring. He also couldn't ask for a better matchup as he plays Matt but will avoid the Brady/Gronk combo as both are on byes along with the problems he's having with Jamaal Charles. For Mike, very impressive showing, all things considered. I can't guess anymore on how he'll do, but he takes on Alex next week.

Game MVP

Derek Carr (Woe Is You)

513 Passing Yards, 4 Passing TD's, 39.82 Points

Light's Broken Bots (4-4)          122
Channel 4 News Team (4-4)      117.10

Well...this actually got way closer than it should've been as after a couple of horrible games where Kadeem Carey was actually outplaying him, Jordan Howard had an AMAZING first half where he had already accumulated over 22 points. Now Matt still has Matt Asiata going, but there was a legit shot Albert would end up pulling off the improbable upset. Unfortunately Howard slowed down considerably and would only score about 6 more points, but at least Howard showed a pulse. Albert's going to need him for his playoff run. Albert actually didn't play bad at all putting up 117 points. Tyler Eifert finally showed he was back with 9 receptions for 102 and a score. Unlike last week's giant mess, Mike Gillislee was the main back with McCoy out and he had 85 and a score..hell Jordan Matthews had 65 and a score too. Andrew Luck put up nearly 21 points, but it was T.Y. Hilton who came up as small as can be. Hilton was bothered by a hamstring injury but still played most of the game but was invisible. He was held to 1 catch for 20 yards. Basically a game killer as Hilton's capable of so much more. For Matt....it's all about Brady/Gronk. Such a dangerous combo to have and even though Matt looks to have a lost cause in Jamaal Charles, it's not seeming to effect him one bit (nope of course it doesn't because if it's not me..why would it? Everyone else gets to have fun and win regardless of what shit players they have to play to survive..but me? yeah fucking right...because guess what...none of these injuries affect any team in this fucking league..not the least...they all still win regardless...except me of course...who hasn't suffered really any major injury but my team just absolutely sucks ass....did I mention FUCK THIS GAME ALREADY? Well FUCK THIS GAME just in case).  Brady and Gronk combined for 53.5 points. Remember Matt already got a great game thanks to garbage time from Allen Hurns. Jordy Nelson rebounded from last week's brutal game and he had 94 and a score. Jeremy Hill added a TD too. So Matt and Albert are 4-4 just like most of the league so who the fuck knows who's going to win what next week. Matt plays Ryan next week (without Brady, Gronk, and Jeremy Hill but who cares..he'll survive somehow and either win or be competitive) while Albert's now 0-2 since the McCoy trade and faces Leland next.

Game MVP

Tom Brady (Light's Broken Bots)

315 Passing Yards, 4 Passing TD's, 15 Rushing Yards, 34.10 Points

 

SCLSU MudDogs (4-4)         110.10

THE SPOILER (4-4)              84.72

I FINALLY give in and pick Drew to win because it makes the most sense...but I stupidly forgot that common sense means nothing in Fantasy Football so in a weird full circle type shit..Drew, who's team sucks on paper but kept winning, finally loses what looked like a winnable matchup against Alex this week, but because Drew's team finally got the suckiness transferred from paper to the field and lost. Whatever...there's no explaining shit anymore. Drew shouldn't worry anyways..he'll have his highest scoring week against me anyways and beat me by 50 and have a ridiculous 5 wins. So Kirk Cousins was great for Drew with over 450 yards passing and a couple TD passes, but not too much more happened here. Both Donte Moncrief and Devontae Booker scored TD's but didn't have much yardage wise and everyone else was mediocre. For Alex, he alternates from being dominant one week to being underperforming the next (just like most of the league, which is why everyone who's relevant is 4-4 at least) and this was the dominant week. He FINALLY got a TD from Julian Edelman, Drew Brees was his usual self, Fitzgerald had 10 catches for 74 yards, Travis Benjamin scores, Theo Riddick is still a thing, which is so fucking dumb, but whatever..on the list of absurd things about this stupid ass shitbagfuck game..Theo Riddick consistently scoring 20+ points a week is like #1,259 on the list. He had 133 total yards and a TD. Hey...I remember Bilal Powell! He sucked big fat Matt Forte dick when I had him! Oh, but he went to another team and had his best game of the season with 76 yards and a score? Why....I'M UTTERLY SHOCKED THAT A GUY WOULD BE PURE GARBAGE ON MY TEAM BUT BE GREAT FOR SOMEONE ELSE. YAYYYYYY!! So Drew gets the lucky Puente combo that he'll totally 100% beat the shit out of the next two weeks (remember reverse jinxes don't work on us..no sirreeee..they HAPPEN), while Alex plays Mike (you know the team that lost to Drew last week but scored 137 points this week to end Ryan's 7 game winning streak...once again...FULLLLLLLL CIRCLE!!)

Game MVP

Theo "I'm a very mediocre real life running back, who's not really a running back because I never actually get carries, I'm what they call in the fantasy football circles a "pass catching back" which hides my inability to actually do my intended running back job and RUN THE FUCKING BALL, but since I typically average 1.9 yards per carry...I get bailed out because the Lions are allergic to running anyways so I benefit from being a shitty running back on a pass happy team" Riddick (SCLSU MudDogs)

56 Rushing Yards, 8 Receptions, 77 Receiving Yards, 1 Receiving TD, 23.3 Points

 

Thought I'd be a dick and choose a pic of Theo Riddick "running"

Just 5 more weeks of this bullshit

Just 5 more weeks of this bullshit

Just 5 more weeks of this bullshit