Well, the big stories going into Week 7 remain to see just how far Ryan and Eugene's undefeated streaks can go. Both had some trouble last week, but survived. Eugene should be a shoo in for a 7th win but Ryan's actually in danger of dropping his first game this week in a tough matchup against Albert. On the flip side, we're still waiting to see if Dad can get his first win of the season but it's going to be super tough as he plays Leland. If Dad loses, he'll tie me for worst losing streak in league history (7). Here's this week's matchups.
Rocket Man (6-0) vs
Bay Area Tanners (1-5)
All Time Record
Series is Tied 3-3 (Eugene beat me in the 3rd Place Game in the 2015 Wane McGarity Bowl)
You know why I don't bother doing any real kind of write up on my matchups anymore? Because why bother? It doesn't matter my "key players" or "wild cards" or anything. It's just going to be a loss like it has for 5 straight weeks and 9 weeks out of 10. My team sucks and usually my opponent gets some stupid bullshit that happens only when teams play me. This week? C'mon....you can see it a mile away. Aaron Rodgers. He sucks right? How many games without a 300 yard game? 17, I believe? He scored what under 14 last week? It's sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
FUCKING OBVIOUS what's going to happen here. Not to mention that Eddie Lacy is out and the Packers literally have no real running back who knows the playbook (a practice squad player and recently acquired Knile Davis) plus their D sucks (unless you're playing against them when you have Eli Manning like me, then they become the 85 Bears) AND IT'S THURSDAY NIGHT, which historically FUCKS ME OVER week after week so it's probably going to be a shootout. He's going to go off. Big time. For SURE over 300 yards and probably 2-3 TD's...shit maybe more but that's the floor and once again the projected "104-104" score that Yahoo projects will go up to 104-135 for my opponent and I'm once again done before a single Sunday snap. No sense in pretending I have ANY semblance of hope...that's just the way this season has gone and why would it change now?? Also....DeAndre Hopkins with his "brutal matchup" against Denver. He probably won't go nuts, but he'll still be more serviceable than he should be against a super tough Denver D, and hey maybe even add a garbage TD. Why? BECAUSE OF ME....that's why! There's a reason I have the worst points allowed (BY FAR....NOT EVEN CLOSE) in the league...because I suck and have shitty luck. So ladies and gentleman...Eugene stays undefeated and I go 1-6 with 6 losses in a row and 10 losses in 11 weeks. Bla bla bla..the beat goes on and we'll have EXACT SAME conversation next week for whoever my opponent is.
No Soup For You (3-3) vs
BigBadBob (0-6)
All Time Record
Leland Leads series 3-2
Key Players
No Soup For You: Matthew Stafford (Redskins) Demaryius Thomas (Texans) Marvin Jones (Redskins) Brandin Cooks (Chiefs) Todd Gurley (Giants) David Johnson (Seahawks)
BigBadBob: Andy Dalton (Browns) Emmanuel Sanders (Texans) Brandon Marshall (Ravens) Frank Gore (Titans) Devonta Freeman (Chargers)
Wild Cards
No Soup For You: I'd say tough matchup for David Johnson but I think it's safe to say he's matchup proof. Demaryius Thomas production.
BigBadBob: No Cam this week. Hunter Henry/Devonta Freeman trade. Emmanuel Sanders health. Brandon Marshall/Geno Smith Chemistry
Predictions
Yahoo Says: Leland wins 103-94 (adjusted to add Hunter Henry/Devonta Freeman points for Dad)
I Say: Leland wins. This is exactly what Leland needed after a little mini slump. Beat up on the shitty teams and get right back in the thick of things. I do like the trade Dad and Ryan did as I think it benefits both of them. Dad's running backs are a trainwreck and Devonta Freeman automatically becomes Dad's #1 back, while Hunter Henry has shown great potential and has Top 5 tight end potential if he keeps performing like he has the past 3 weeks. Yes, losing Greg Olsen is a big loss, but Dad needs help everywhere if he wants to at least get a win this season, so to trade Olsen for two startable pieces was a good move. Unfortunately, this week, it won't matter much, because trade or not, I don't see Dad beating Leland. Brandon Marshall will now have Geno Smith throwing to him, we don't know how bad Emmanuel Sanders is hurt, it just doesn't seem like Dad has the firepower to contend with Eugene. It's looking like loss #7 unfortunately.
Light's Broken Bots (3-3) vs
Bigger Balls (3-3)
All Time Record
Matt Leads Series 5-3 (Matt beat Mayra in the Quarterfinal of the 2015 Michael Wiley Loser Bowl)
Key Players
Light's Broken Bots: Tom Brady (Steelers) Jordy Nelson (Bears) Jamaal Charles (Saints) Rob Gronkowski (Steelers)
Bigger Balls: Matt Ryan (Chargers) Antonio Brown (Patriots) Amari Cooper (Jaguars) Lamar Miller (Broncos) Matt Forte (Ravens)
Wild Cards
Light's Broken Bots: No Kelvin Benjamin. Jamaal Charles Bigger Workload? Hill/Crowell underachievers
Bigger Balls: No Ben for Brown. Tough Matchup for Lamar Miller. Matt Forte's continued decline in play
Predictions
Yahoo Says: Mayra wins 103-102
I Say: Matt wins. These two teams are trending in opposite directions. After a blazing 3-0 start, Mayra's now dropped 3 straight, while as predicted Matt survived his initial injury plagued 0-3 start and now that's he's fully back with a healthy squad he's proceeded to win 3 in a row. This is going to be really close, with Matt losing a big piece of his offense with Kelvin Benjamin on bye, but Mayra's having big problems of her own. Antonio Brown is still gonna do good, but losing Big Ben is HUGE to say the least. That combined with just dreadful play from Matt Forte and a tough matchup for Lamar Miller and I'm going to give the slight edge to Matt this week.
Hoosier Daddy (6-0) vs
Channel 4 News Team (4-2)
All Time Record
Albert leads series 9-5
Key Players
Hoosier Daddy: Philip Rivers (Falcons) Michael Crabtree (Jaguars) Mark Ingram (Chiefs) Christine Michael (Cardinals)
Channel 4 News Team: Andrew Luck (Titans) A.J. Green (Browns) T.Y. Hilton (Titans) Doug Baldwin (Cardinals) Doug Martin* (49ers)
Wild Cards
Hoosier Daddy: Big Ben out indefinitely. Mark Ingram's struggles. Wide Receiver Production. Tough Matchup for Christine Michael. Who's Ryan's tight end this week?
Channel 4 News Team: Will Doug Martin Play? Tough Doug Baldwin matchup.
Predictions
Yahoo Says: Albert wins 108-85 (Ryan has no TE at this moment)
I Say: Albert wins. These two have met a whopping 14 times in the 7 years of the league. So the big thing here is Ryan might be sacrificing his undefeated streak in order to improve his team for his playoff run as he made a trade with Dad for Greg Olsen. I really like this aggressive move, because there are really only 2 trustworthy Tight Ends you can count on on a week to week basis, Gronk and Greg Olsen. Everyone else is either injury prone (Jordan Reed, Jimmy Graham) or just too inconsistent. Ryan had a surplus of running backs so he traded him and sold high on Hunter Henry (verdict remains to be seen on him, he's had a great 3 game stretch though) to grab the 2nd best Tight End in a weak overall position. Problem is Olsen's on bye so he'll have to wait until next week to use his services. Olsen or not, this was going to be a tough matchup anyways against Albert's team. Ryan losing Big Ben isn't too big of a deal to me because it's not like Philip Rivers sucks. Rivers is a minor downgrade, but is capable of putting up big numbers like Roethlisberger does, so it's not close to being a season killer or anything. Ryan's still glaring weakness is his receiving core. He barely beat Mayra last week, but was bailed out by Kenny Britt of all guys. You can't count on 29 points from Britt every week and having to trust Crabtree and John Brown as WR2's is very risky (Steve Smith is still out). No Zeke this week hurts as well (on bye) and with Ingram sorta struggling, just seems like all the momentum is on Albert's side for this week. Now if Doug Martin doesn't play (he's got a super nice matchup against the 49ers who are dogshit in run defense) that'll be a blow to Albert's chances, but I still think for this week, Albert's talent will be able to overcome that and beat Ryan and hand him his first loss of the season.
SCLSU MudDogs (2-4) vs
Shock The Monkey (1-5)
All Time Record
Series is Tied 1-1
Key Players
SCLSU MudDogs: Drew Brees (Chiefs) Julian Edelman (Steelers) Larry Fitzgerald (Seahawks) Carlos Hyde* (Bucs) Le'Veon Bell (Patriots)
Shock The Monkey: Jarvis Landry (Bills) Alshon Jeffrey (Packers) DeMarco Murray (Colts)
Wild Cards
SCLSU MudDogs: Edelman back on track? Hyde's health. Difficult Fitzgerald matchup.
Shock The Monkey: QB Production. Production overall outside of Landry/Jeffrey/Murray
Predictions
Yahoo Says: Alex wins 106-93
I Say: Alex wins. Alex is coming off a disappointing under 4 point loss to Eugene and really needs a win here to get back on track in the thick of things. Outside of me an Dad, he couldn't have asked for a better opponent. It's had to be frustrating that Julian Edelman hasn't been great even with Tom Brady back. You gotta think that changes soon. Also, Larry Fitzgerald really like Alex down on Monday Night and he's got another tough matchup against the Seahawks. With the way Carson Palmer has been playing, I'm not sure if you can expect a big game from him this week. Also of concern is Carlos Hyde's injury status. He was spotted in an arm sling during practice and there's some legit concern he'll miss this week's game. Despite all those concerns, Alex should be in the driver's seat this week against Mark. Strictly on paper, Mark has the worst roster outside of Drew and there's just no way to believe this team rights the ship this week. He hasn't scored more than 80 points the past two weeks (two in the 70's) and overall 4 of 6 games are 80 or less (78.2, 80.80, 75.92, 76.94). For Mark to win, it seems like Jarvis Landry, Alshon Jeffrey, and DeMarco Murray ALL have to go off and though Murray's been the best one at going off, it's hard to see all 3 of them do it at the same time. Advantage Alex here, though the Hyde injury is something to monitor and could make it a closer matchup.
Woe Is You (4-2) vs
THE SPOILER (3-3)
All Time Record
Series is Tied 2-2 (Drew Beat Mike in Week 13 of the 2013 Season)
Key Players
Woe Is You: Derek Carr (Jaguars) Odell Beckham Jr (Rams) C.J. Anderson (Texans) Jordan Reed (Lions)
THE SPOILER: Terrence West (Jets) Allen Robinson (Raiders)
Wild Cards
Woe Is You: C.J. Anderson's struggles. Jordan Reed's health. Meredith and Pryor's continued success. Stefon Diggs return
THE SPOILER: THE SPOILER IS A WILD CARD!
Predictions
Yahoo Says: Mike wins 99-86
I say: Mike wins. Well, Drew was dealt another blow to his team as Eddie Lacy has been ruled out this week and could possibly miss multiple weeks according to sources. I'd feel bad for Drew if he DIDN'T HAVE TWO MORE WINS THAN ME. He keeps surviving and though he "should" lose here to Mike, you just never fucking know with "The Mad Scientist". This week's dart throws include Robert Woods and Kendall Wright, and with two tight ends in his lineup you would think Mike would have this hand but if Drew can beat Leland...beating Mike isn't as it insane as it sounds.
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