Mark made a promise to break Mayra's streak or bow down to the "Queen Of Fantasy Football". He made a promise he couldn't keep and that leaves us with the "Bow Seen Round The World". Mark shouldn't feel that bad. He's the 5th person to try to dethrone Mayra and failed just like the previous 4 did. Who's finally going to put a 1 in that loss column? I doubt me nor Alex is guarantee anything when we face her. I sure don't want this to end up being my fate. Here's the results for Week 5.
Bigger Balls (5-0) 106
Shock The Monkey (1-4) 62.5
There was a tiny scare here, but it was quickly dissipated as Mark's team, like mine, just can't flat out score. I don't know what Mark can do, but he has like 1 franchise back in Forte, a solid QB in Ryan, and that's about it. The rest of his team is pretty bad. Malcolm Floyd, Devin Hester, Jared Cook, they just can't be counted on as week to week starters. Now Montee Ball is hurt (thank GOD Mark said no to my Marshall for Ball/Crabtree trade..I'd hate my team even MORE that I do), and there's just nothing to back him up with. Forte was great with 26 points, but he got 36.5 from his other 7 guys. It's coming pretty close to looking like a lost season here. For Mayra, just another week and another win. I'm actually surprised she scored a 106 cause it didn't seem like she scored much when tracking the game. Luck was Luck, another 300 yard passing game and a passing and rushing TD for 20 points. Le'Veon Bell and Antonio Brown were a tad disappointing due to playing the terrible Jags, but still double digit performances for them and in the long run it really doesn't matter. Dez was great with 85 and a score. Antonio Gates had a monster game as well with 60 and two scores. Pretty balanced effort here as Mayra has now officially tied Mark and Matt for best start to season with 5 wins in a row. She'll try to break the record next week against Drew, while Mark takes on my Dad to try to salvage his season.
Game MVP
Andrew Luck (Bigger Balls)
312 Passing Yards, 1 Passing TD, 2 INT, 12 Rushing Yards, 1 Rushing TD, 20 points
JTG'S Warehouse (3-2) 128
Hoosier Daddy (1-4) 111
Man what shit luck for Ryan. He scores the 2nd highest points in the league and loses because he faced the team that scored the most. Surprisingly Drew WAS able to come back from that big Eddie Lacy deficit and score 128 points and beat Ryan in a shocking turn of events. It was basically 5 big players. Cutler might have had 3 turnovers, but he still put up 22 points. Golden Tate took advantage of Calvin Johnson's injury and had 134 yards and a score for 22.5 points. BRIAN QUICK....of all people had 87 yards and 2 scores. Andre Ellington had an 81 yard TD to cap off a 28 point game and Julius Thomas scored 2 more TD's to get 21 points. With that kind of production, Drew was able to hide Kelvin Benjamin's bad game and really didn't need much else from the rest of his team. Ryan got big games from Alshon Jeffrey (97 and a score), Justin Forsett (97 total yards and a score) and Greg Olsen (72 yards and 2 TD's) along with his Lacy Thursday game. Most weeks that would be enough for an easy win, he just played the wrong team. Losing Rashad Jennings makes it even worse, as he'll be out for a couple weeks with an injury. Season's looking pretty bleak for Ryan but he'll try to salvage his season with a win next week against Alex. As for Drew, he'll try to do what 5 others haven't done...beat Mayra. Godspeed Dear Andrew....Godspeed.
The Bad Robofies (3-2) 88
Rocket Man (3-2) 86
WHAT. A. COMEBACK. I'm going by pure memory here, but that has to be greatest deficit ever over come in league history. The Houdini of Fantasy Football does it YET AGAIN. Seriously..it's astonishing that this is a yearly thing. Eugene of course has steamrolled through most of the league and this week was not supposed to be any different. Things started kinda of slow for Eugene, Martellus Bennett, Markus Wheaton, and Victor Cruz all were highly ineffective. He did get solid play from Jeremy Maclin (76 yards and a score) Julio Jones (105 yards on 11 catches) and another great game from DeMarco Murray (192 total yards). On the flip side it wasn't too great of start for Dad, who lost Jimmy Graham to an injury, and had disappointing games from Torry Smith and Heath Miller. The bright spot in the early games was Terrence Williams who hauled in his 5th TD of the season, and has easily becomes Dad's best receiver. The one sore spot though, was Dad having enough of Kendall Wright and benching him. He ended up with 2 TD's and 23 points....ouch. So Sunday Night and Monday night was basically a 4-2 for Dad. Andy Dalton and Shane Vereen Sunday Night for Eugene and Mohamad Sanu and Gio Bernard for Dad. Vereen was actually very serviceable with 108 total yards, while Dalton put up OK numbers (though one of the TD's was to Dad's guy Sanu). Gio Bernard was pretty non existent as the Bengals were trailing basically the entire game. It was safe to assume that Eugene had survived the scare as he was up 34.5 points and all Dad had left was Russell Wilson and Alfred Morris. What made Dad even more nervous was his decision to bench Brady over Wilson, which was understandable as Brady had been awful all season. The week Dad decides to pull the plug Brady has a nice game with nearly 300 passing yards 2 TD's and 20 points. Would this end up being a mistake? Dad, ever the optimist, felt like he had real chance at pulling off the upset. I told him that if he were to win, he'd have to expect the bulk of it to come off Russell Wilson and not to rely on Alfred Morris to do much. The combination of the tough Seattle run D and the likelihood that the Redskins would be trailing the entire game and passing a lot really hurt Alfred Morris' chances. I thought Dad would need a 25 point Wilson performance at the very least to stand a chance. Wilson started out on absolute FIRE, and was carving up the Redskins on the ground, not air. Slowly but surely Dad was chipping away at the game and there were a couple of false hopes as Russell Wilson threw two TD's to Percy Harvin that got overturned by a penalty (Harvin also had a reverse TD overturned). Naturally, Alfred Morris provided next to nothing throughout the game. Things were looking a little bleak going in the 4th quarter as the Seahawks were basically playing keep away with Redskins and weren't really scoring points. Finally though, in the 2nd to last drive, Russell Wilson threw a TD to Marshawn Lynch and Dad had done the unthinkable...tied the game. There was still plenty of time left and all Dad needed was one of two things...1 rushing from Alfred Morris (who only had 29 yards on the night) or 4 passing yards from Wilson. The first thing wouldn't happen because the Redskins were in no huddle mode and Roy Helu is the back they use. The Redskins scored, which gave Seattle the ball, and they were in time killing mode. Dad needed there to be a 3rd down so Russell Wilson was forced to pass. Otherwise, if they kept 1st downs, there was a small possibility Russell Wilson would kneel down 3 times and Dad would actually lose by a point because of that (Kneel downs are -1 yard a play and Wilson had 122 rush yards, kneeling 3 times would've put him at 119 and a loss of a point). On the very last series, the 1st two downs were run plays, and then on 3rd and 4 Wilson decided to pass, but was blitzed heavily and it looked like a sure sack. Somehow....someway he GOT OUT OF IT and found a WIDE OPEN Marshawn Lynch who got over 20 yards on the catch and sealed the deal. Dad won by 2 points....amazing. Russell Wilson..34 points. I know the two are unrelated to each other, but what a CLUTCH performance in our fantasy world by Russell Wilson, probably the greatest performance by a player in a comeback win I've ever witnessed. Despite Alfred Morris being damn worthless (thought without his 2.5, Dad doesn't win) Russell Wilson gets the job DONE. Well Deserved win for my dad, who never gave up and stayed optimistic the entire time. Hey Dad...your Wilson over Brady play worked out just fine I believe. For Eugene...his two losses are both heartbreakers on Monday Night. The weirder thing it was a father/son combo who did the damage. There's no doubt Eugene can survive this, he's 3 points away from being undefeated. Still with a bye up for grabs these kind of losses are BRUTAL. He'll look to take out his frustrations on Kenny's struggling team, while Dad takes on Mark's depleted team next week though he'll be without Jimmy Graham who's on bye.
Channel 4 News Team (4-1) 105.5
Arturo's Beans (2-3) 50
And from the super exciting and inspiring to the pathetic and depressing. I wish I didn't care as much..I really do. I wish I could have that "oh golly schucks it's just a game and it's just for fun" attitude, I wish I could be all "But the Cowboys are 4-1 so that overtakes Fantasy" but that's not me. It never has been and never will be. I'm not wired like that one bit. The only one who is close to the way I am is Kenny and even he's doesn't take this as seriously and personally as I do...and I do take it personally. I HATE LOSING WITH EVERY FIBER IN MY BEING. HATE IT. It's even worse when it's just a MASSIVE EMBARRASSING LOSS. It's a failure on my part, even though I don't play the games, I constructed this team, and I constructed a team full of underachieving, pathetic losers. Before this year, I had NEVER scored 50 points or under. I've done it twice now. I'm dead last in the league in points, and just finished off the "easy" part of my schedule under .500 for the first time since 2012. At least in 2012, scoring wasn't a problem, losing in the most bullshit ways possible was. This time around? I'm a doormat. I'm the team YOU WANT TO PLAY. You circle me on your schedule. My guys don't do jackshit and by Sunday night, the games are irrelevant as I've already gotten my ass handed to me by an enormous amount of points. Nothing is working. Overtrading for a overhyped player (HELLLLLO KEENAN ALLEN!), putting in wild card longshots (Jerick McKennon, Jeremy Kerley, and Austin Seferian-Jenkins ARE who I THOUGHT THEY'D BE..irrelevant fucks who have no business starting in a 16 team league much less a 12 teamer), LeSean McCoy is all of sudden a combination of Curtis Enis and Ki Jana Carter, Brandon Marshall and Randall Cobb love TD's but are allergic to yards, and Matthew Stafford still is a chubbier version of my cousin Frankie. The nightmare of all nightmare seasons. You keep waiting for your score to update and it never does...but your opponent does. It's only week 5, but this shit is beyond done. I have no bench depth when the byes start coming around. Reality check..my team isn't that good..and won't make the playoffs. Will I win again? Sure..maybe even this next week. The wins will be sporadic though and I'll be on the outside looking in. When you score 50 points, it's not worth going over anyone on your team, rest assured, they sucked. As for Albert, if he played Peyton Manning and Arian Foster and benched everyone else..he would've won by FUCKING 11. DOUBLE DIGITS PLAYING 2 ON 8. It's not a joke. It's the sad truth. He got good games from Fred Jackson and A.J. Green as well. I take on Matt with my season on life support, while Albert takes on Leland as he guns for a bye.
Woe Is Me (2-3) 91
Next!!!! (3-2) 73
This was a little closer than the score shows. In fact, for a little while, Leland actually looked like he was going to pull of the win. Then Demaryius happened. One 83 yard TD later and Kenny secured the lead and never looked back. Thomas ended up with 226 yards and 2 TD's (it could've been EVEN more but he had a 70 yard TD called back). 38 points for Demaryius. Yeah...he's back. Honestly though outside of Vincent Jackson's 144 receiving yards, no one really did shit for Kenny and he's lucky he was facing a team that struggles to score in points. He got two half point performances in Megatron (who got hurt and might actually miss a couple weeks) and Niles Paul and a zero from Knile Davis. Kenny is still lacking in depth and it shows. For Leland, just a bunch of mediocre performances. Ben Tate looked pretty good with 123 rush yards and Rueben Randle scored, but that's about it outside of the Rodgers Thursday play. Kenny's got a tough matchup against Eugene next week where he might not have Calvin, while Leland also has a tough matchup against Albert.
Game MVP
Andre Ellington (JTG's Warehouse)
32 rushing yards, 1 rushing TD, 112 receiving yards, 1 receiving TD, 28 points
The Bad Robofies (3-2) 88
Rocket Man (3-2) 86
WHAT. A. COMEBACK. I'm going by pure memory here, but that has to be greatest deficit ever over come in league history. The Houdini of Fantasy Football does it YET AGAIN. Seriously..it's astonishing that this is a yearly thing. Eugene of course has steamrolled through most of the league and this week was not supposed to be any different. Things started kinda of slow for Eugene, Martellus Bennett, Markus Wheaton, and Victor Cruz all were highly ineffective. He did get solid play from Jeremy Maclin (76 yards and a score) Julio Jones (105 yards on 11 catches) and another great game from DeMarco Murray (192 total yards). On the flip side it wasn't too great of start for Dad, who lost Jimmy Graham to an injury, and had disappointing games from Torry Smith and Heath Miller. The bright spot in the early games was Terrence Williams who hauled in his 5th TD of the season, and has easily becomes Dad's best receiver. The one sore spot though, was Dad having enough of Kendall Wright and benching him. He ended up with 2 TD's and 23 points....ouch. So Sunday Night and Monday night was basically a 4-2 for Dad. Andy Dalton and Shane Vereen Sunday Night for Eugene and Mohamad Sanu and Gio Bernard for Dad. Vereen was actually very serviceable with 108 total yards, while Dalton put up OK numbers (though one of the TD's was to Dad's guy Sanu). Gio Bernard was pretty non existent as the Bengals were trailing basically the entire game. It was safe to assume that Eugene had survived the scare as he was up 34.5 points and all Dad had left was Russell Wilson and Alfred Morris. What made Dad even more nervous was his decision to bench Brady over Wilson, which was understandable as Brady had been awful all season. The week Dad decides to pull the plug Brady has a nice game with nearly 300 passing yards 2 TD's and 20 points. Would this end up being a mistake? Dad, ever the optimist, felt like he had real chance at pulling off the upset. I told him that if he were to win, he'd have to expect the bulk of it to come off Russell Wilson and not to rely on Alfred Morris to do much. The combination of the tough Seattle run D and the likelihood that the Redskins would be trailing the entire game and passing a lot really hurt Alfred Morris' chances. I thought Dad would need a 25 point Wilson performance at the very least to stand a chance. Wilson started out on absolute FIRE, and was carving up the Redskins on the ground, not air. Slowly but surely Dad was chipping away at the game and there were a couple of false hopes as Russell Wilson threw two TD's to Percy Harvin that got overturned by a penalty (Harvin also had a reverse TD overturned). Naturally, Alfred Morris provided next to nothing throughout the game. Things were looking a little bleak going in the 4th quarter as the Seahawks were basically playing keep away with Redskins and weren't really scoring points. Finally though, in the 2nd to last drive, Russell Wilson threw a TD to Marshawn Lynch and Dad had done the unthinkable...tied the game. There was still plenty of time left and all Dad needed was one of two things...1 rushing from Alfred Morris (who only had 29 yards on the night) or 4 passing yards from Wilson. The first thing wouldn't happen because the Redskins were in no huddle mode and Roy Helu is the back they use. The Redskins scored, which gave Seattle the ball, and they were in time killing mode. Dad needed there to be a 3rd down so Russell Wilson was forced to pass. Otherwise, if they kept 1st downs, there was a small possibility Russell Wilson would kneel down 3 times and Dad would actually lose by a point because of that (Kneel downs are -1 yard a play and Wilson had 122 rush yards, kneeling 3 times would've put him at 119 and a loss of a point). On the very last series, the 1st two downs were run plays, and then on 3rd and 4 Wilson decided to pass, but was blitzed heavily and it looked like a sure sack. Somehow....someway he GOT OUT OF IT and found a WIDE OPEN Marshawn Lynch who got over 20 yards on the catch and sealed the deal. Dad won by 2 points....amazing. Russell Wilson..34 points. I know the two are unrelated to each other, but what a CLUTCH performance in our fantasy world by Russell Wilson, probably the greatest performance by a player in a comeback win I've ever witnessed. Despite Alfred Morris being damn worthless (thought without his 2.5, Dad doesn't win) Russell Wilson gets the job DONE. Well Deserved win for my dad, who never gave up and stayed optimistic the entire time. Hey Dad...your Wilson over Brady play worked out just fine I believe. For Eugene...his two losses are both heartbreakers on Monday Night. The weirder thing it was a father/son combo who did the damage. There's no doubt Eugene can survive this, he's 3 points away from being undefeated. Still with a bye up for grabs these kind of losses are BRUTAL. He'll look to take out his frustrations on Kenny's struggling team, while Dad takes on Mark's depleted team next week though he'll be without Jimmy Graham who's on bye.
Game MVP
Russell Wilson ( The Bad Robofies)
122 rushing yards, 1 rushing TD, 201 passing yards, 2 Pass TD's, 34 points (down 34.5 points to start the game, won by 2)
Channel 4 News Team (4-1) 105.5
Arturo's Beans (2-3) 50
And from the super exciting and inspiring to the pathetic and depressing. I wish I didn't care as much..I really do. I wish I could have that "oh golly schucks it's just a game and it's just for fun" attitude, I wish I could be all "But the Cowboys are 4-1 so that overtakes Fantasy" but that's not me. It never has been and never will be. I'm not wired like that one bit. The only one who is close to the way I am is Kenny and even he's doesn't take this as seriously and personally as I do...and I do take it personally. I HATE LOSING WITH EVERY FIBER IN MY BEING. HATE IT. It's even worse when it's just a MASSIVE EMBARRASSING LOSS. It's a failure on my part, even though I don't play the games, I constructed this team, and I constructed a team full of underachieving, pathetic losers. Before this year, I had NEVER scored 50 points or under. I've done it twice now. I'm dead last in the league in points, and just finished off the "easy" part of my schedule under .500 for the first time since 2012. At least in 2012, scoring wasn't a problem, losing in the most bullshit ways possible was. This time around? I'm a doormat. I'm the team YOU WANT TO PLAY. You circle me on your schedule. My guys don't do jackshit and by Sunday night, the games are irrelevant as I've already gotten my ass handed to me by an enormous amount of points. Nothing is working. Overtrading for a overhyped player (HELLLLLO KEENAN ALLEN!), putting in wild card longshots (Jerick McKennon, Jeremy Kerley, and Austin Seferian-Jenkins ARE who I THOUGHT THEY'D BE..irrelevant fucks who have no business starting in a 16 team league much less a 12 teamer), LeSean McCoy is all of sudden a combination of Curtis Enis and Ki Jana Carter, Brandon Marshall and Randall Cobb love TD's but are allergic to yards, and Matthew Stafford still is a chubbier version of my cousin Frankie. The nightmare of all nightmare seasons. You keep waiting for your score to update and it never does...but your opponent does. It's only week 5, but this shit is beyond done. I have no bench depth when the byes start coming around. Reality check..my team isn't that good..and won't make the playoffs. Will I win again? Sure..maybe even this next week. The wins will be sporadic though and I'll be on the outside looking in. When you score 50 points, it's not worth going over anyone on your team, rest assured, they sucked. As for Albert, if he played Peyton Manning and Arian Foster and benched everyone else..he would've won by FUCKING 11. DOUBLE DIGITS PLAYING 2 ON 8. It's not a joke. It's the sad truth. He got good games from Fred Jackson and A.J. Green as well. I take on Matt with my season on life support, while Albert takes on Leland as he guns for a bye.
Game MVP
Peyton Manning (Channel 4 News Team)
479 Passing Yards, 4 Passing TD's, 2 INT, 32 Points
Next!!!! (3-2) 73
This was a little closer than the score shows. In fact, for a little while, Leland actually looked like he was going to pull of the win. Then Demaryius happened. One 83 yard TD later and Kenny secured the lead and never looked back. Thomas ended up with 226 yards and 2 TD's (it could've been EVEN more but he had a 70 yard TD called back). 38 points for Demaryius. Yeah...he's back. Honestly though outside of Vincent Jackson's 144 receiving yards, no one really did shit for Kenny and he's lucky he was facing a team that struggles to score in points. He got two half point performances in Megatron (who got hurt and might actually miss a couple weeks) and Niles Paul and a zero from Knile Davis. Kenny is still lacking in depth and it shows. For Leland, just a bunch of mediocre performances. Ben Tate looked pretty good with 123 rush yards and Rueben Randle scored, but that's about it outside of the Rodgers Thursday play. Kenny's got a tough matchup against Eugene next week where he might not have Calvin, while Leland also has a tough matchup against Albert.
Game MVP
Demaryius Thomas (Woe Is Me)
8 Receptions, 226 receiving yards, 2 Receiving TD's, 38 points
Dr. Light's Robots (2-3) 68.5
Matt's up and down season continues as after scoring a league high 146 points last week, he manages to only put up 68.5 and got blown out by Alex. This was my upset pick of the week and for once I called it. Jamaal Charles had tough matchup and Larry Donnell got a zero. It was just a mess for Matt as no one scored over 13.5 points. Drew Brees game would've looked even better had not thrown 3 picks, but still he put up a solid 17.5 for Alex. Marshawn Lynch and Gronk led the way with a TD from each of them and 38.5 points. Alex understandably sat DeSean Jackson for fear of the Seattle Matchup, but he did great with 157 yards and a score. Luckily he didn't need it. Matt takes on me next week while Alex will face Ryan.
Game MVP
Rob Gronkowski (Winter Is Here)
6 Receptions, 100 Receiving Yards, 1 Receiving TD, 19 points
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